You have no idea how much God loves you to put you where you are at. I am speaking from experience.
There are a thousand voices in your head speaking all the time, telling you otherwise. These voices have tremendous needs, wants and appetites. They are never satisfied. You are in a great conflict, a great battle going on inside you. And the closer the love of God gets to you the louder those voices become.
Those voices tell you that there is something different about you, something that makes you worse than others, something that will never amount to anything but hardship, bad news and wasted days.
What you don’t know is you are the very kind God sent Jesus to. God is interested in the worst cases, it’s where he does his best work. That is why the battle is so heated.
The devil is contending for your soul. The only reason he wants you is to destroy you. You are a creation of God and he hates God’s creation. He knows that creation will put him in the Lake of Fire. And out of spite he wants to take as many of God’s creation as he can to the Lake of Fire with him. (John 10:10)
Many don’t know that Jesus has experienced the same conflict that is raging in you. He had to. He had the intense battles in his soul and he heard all the voices. He wouldn’t have been able to save you if he had not. The only difference was that he didn’t have any devils in him and he didn’t sin in the conflict. He had all the temptations, the lusts, the desires, but he didn’t give in (Hebrews 4:15, James 1:14). He wouldn’t give in, so he could save you. When he went through the scourging, the beatings, the crucifixion, he carried all that you have in his own soul. And he did it gladly and he did it because the Father sent him to do it - for you.
Do you want out? Do you want free? Do you want what God has for you? He has a plan for your life, far better than you can imagine. There is a way out. But you are going to have open your mouth to Jesus. You are going to have to let him know you want out. He is always open to our cry. Those that call on the name of the Lord SHALL be saved. Ask him to help you, ask him a thousand times a day. You may have to call a lot, till your heart gets past your head. Jesus will hear. You are going to have to open your bible and read it out loud. Start with the book of John, read it again and again, until you ‘get it’. Read it like a letter to you, not a book. There the Spirit of God will talk to you.
There are many praying for you, but you are going to have to pray too.
God bless,
